Modesty (What's Going On Up There?)

Earlier today I was on Wikipedia—I don't even recall what I originally looking up; I tend to spend time just surfing Wikipedia, as geeky as that might sound—and I came across the article about The Rebelution, a Christian youth ministry self-described as "a teenage rebellion against the low expectations of ungodly culture."  this caught my eye in particular because I heard the founders, twins Alex and Brett Harris, featured on Focus on the Family not long ago, when they were about my age, and I'd thought their story was a pretty cool one.    In any case, I saw that a couple of years ago they did a modesty survey:  300-some hundred girls submitted questions about what in their behavior or dress provoked a guy's...masculine hormones, and during a 20-day period, over 1600 guys of all ages wrote in to give their opinions.  Yes-or-no statements were presented, and each guy rated how strongly they agreed with a statement, with the option for them to provide additional text responses.  Over about two hours, I surfed through the entire survey and read most of the text responses.  It was admittedly rather eye-opening.

As a Christian girl, I usually strive to dress and behave in a fashion I believe is modest and honoring to God.  Though, i must admit that throughout my more recent teen years at least some of that has been out of insecurity about my appearance, rather than a conscious desire to be modest.  
While I wasn't overtly surprised at a lot of guys' responses about how specific clothing items were or weren't stimulating to the imagination, I was startled at a lot of their reactions towards girls' intentional immodesty.  A lot of them said they feel insulted or degraded when a girl flaunts herself.  While I know a lot of guys want to keep their imaginations elsewhere and their minds pure, it hadn't occurred to me that guys would feel disrespected by girls' attempts to control or allure them by dressing provocatively as girls often feel disrespected when guys objectify them.  Just as not all girls want to be eye candy, not all guys are comfortable with seeing or imagining it.  It was actually surprisingly encouraging.  While it is obvious to me that upstanding Christian guys do exist who actually want to see less skin from a girl, it was awesome to see it from so many.  There were a few open questions at the end (e.g., "If you could say one thing to your sisters in Christ about modesty, what would it be?")  that were free text responses instead of multiple-choice scale, and that was the most encouraging of all.  I read a lot of informative and encouraging responses.  Most of them clearly expressed that in no way were they trying to shift all the blame for their lustful thoughts onto the way a girl dresses, but they expressed sincere appreciation over a girl's attempt to dress in way that wouldn't act as a "stumbling block" and actually said they find a modestly dressed girl "refreshing", especially in friendships.  A lot of them expressed that when a girl shows too much, it's actually really awkward.  

Last year I read Relient K's book The Complex Infrastructure Known as the Female Mind, where they "categorized" all the stereotypes of girls they'd observed over the years. (Quite humorous.  I recommend it, if you don't plan to take it too seriously.)  In the back they broke all guys down into a mere two categories: "The Ape" and "Mr. Wonderful".  "Each guy on the planet is The Ape and Mr. Wonderful...but each only on a part-time basis", they said.  The Ape is the utterly mannerless, more vulgar side that neglects personal hygiene, revolves around macho aggressiveness, laughs at horrifically dumb jokes, and tends to focus on girls in the more "unwholesome", hormonal-driven ways.  Mr. Wonderful, on the other hand, has "staggering good looks", adores and respects his family, is hardworking and driven (but not ruthless),intelligent, polite, humorous, trustworthy, considerate, the most outstandingly upstanding citizen around, has no annoying bad habits, and an undying romantic who treats his lady like a princess in absolutely every way.  "Each guy is a strange and beautiful mix of self-centered slob and selfless gentleman."  It is so bizarre (and, I confess, really funny) to me that they broke down girls into a dozen-plus basic categories and even then had to add a disclaimer saying, "This doesn't cover everyone", and then said, "All guys are a mix of THIS and THIS"—and it just baffles me. Girls don't even make that much sense to me some of the time—and I think I have a pretty femininely-wired brain, cognitively speaking.  How much more baffled can guys get?

But, I digress.  It was really refreshing to me to see, in plain black-and-white, so much desire in so many guys to be the "Mr. Wonderful", who wants to be driven by a focus on God and a desire to like a girl for her personality and spirit instead of driven by libido.  Even though I have seen those same desires and principles lived out in the lives of guys I know (and for whom I have a very hefty dose of respect and appreciation) it was pretty darn awesome to see so much in words.  I admit, occasionally it weirded me out to see the extent of detail guys could give in their answers, but it was kind of eye opening as well.  I—along with most girls, I think—really don't have a good understanding of just how visual the male brain is wired to be. And I'm like, if guys' minds conjure up this much even when they don't want to mentally undress us, how far does a guy who doesn't check his thoughts let his imagination wander?  To me, personally, it was a bit of a wakeup call, and definitely an inspiration.  

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.  1 Peter 3:1-5 (NIV)