I am so blessed.

I'm not exactly sure how many readers of this blog know what's going on in my life right now.  To those who do, this might seem like a weird sentiment.  Aside form all the normal stresses of shyness and school and uncertainty and major decisions, my home life has gotten fairly screwed over in the last couple of weeks.

But I have never felt so loved in my whole life.  I mean it.

In the last week I've gotten three Facebook messages out of the blue from people whom I know don't know what's going on with me, just saying "Hey, I've been thinking about you and praying for you, and you're amazing and I love you".  And I've gotten several calls and emails—and hugs and prayers—from people who do know what's going on.  

People are taking time for me.  Even just a few minutes, but they're taking time for me.  And for once, I don't feel guilty about it.  I feel utterly awed.  God's reshaping the weird mentalities I've had about myself and my relationships with others for as long as I remember—like He promised me He would.

I am so goshdarned blessed.  God loves me so much.  It literally floored me earlier—I couldn't even stand upright, I was so amazed and humbled by all the ways He keeps finding to show me I'm loved and favored, even though a lot of things are emotionally and circumstantially really sucky right now.

So—I love you guys.  Thanks for being my friends, and sticking by me, and taking time for me.  You're awesome, and I wouldn't be here without you. 

"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." – James 1:17

Psalm 136

I'm going to a wedding for two awesome church folks this evening.  It'll be pretty sweet.  I bought them a crème brûlée torch as a wedding present, about which I'm sort of excited.  How often do you have the opportunity to buy someone a crème brûlée torch?  They also had a mortar and pestle on their gift registry, but someone had already purchased that.  Rare that you get the chance to buy someone one of those, either.
I LOVE WEDDINGS.  Aaah!

This song needs to be in a movie. 

A Good Man Goes To War

Too much Doctor Who is Time Lord.
Steven Moffat is bloody crazy, and it's amazing.

Four a.m. again—oy vey.

Three nights in a row now, there is too much stuff stewing in my brain to let me sleep. All my thoughts are engaged in a redundant, unending steeplechase, and the end result is the worst insomnia I have had in ages. It is amazing how long a night can be when your mind can't wander. Give me something simple to think about, please.

Behind the trend as always…

Kiersten’s Ultimate Accomplishments of Awesome  list 2011

– updated and revised –

Bold = comments related to accomplishing, 

Italics = revisions & associated comments, 

Strikethrough = omissions.

1. Finish (writing) at least one novel.  Working on it as always, not as diligently as I would like.  (Also: see item 77.)
2. Witness to somebody.
3. Come up with a system to start memorizing Bible verses.
4. Read the Bible regularly.  Partially done!  At least…I’ve been doing it fairly consistently for the last two weeks or so.
5. Befriend S______ more successfully than I did in 2010.
6. Put music to some of my poetry.  Partially done.  Possibly accomplished, period.
7. Actually give birthday gifts to non-family people.
8. Finish learning the basics of playing guitar.
9. Read three more of C.S. lewis’ books.  Partially done—I read The Abolition of Man on May 11th, and just checked out The Dark Tower & Other Stories from the library.
10. Learn to practice good time management (Omission: “at least 70% of the time”.  No good way to quantify this.)
11. Grow my hair back (out).  More or less done:  I grew back all the short bits I hid under hats, then cut the rest of it.  But I am pretty content with where it’s at right now and where it will be going at its current rate.
12. Exercise regularly. I need accountability, or a good system.  This is far too vague.
13. Finish Anna Karenina.  Partially done.  Leo Tolstoy, though, requires a lot more diligence than I have to spare at present.
14. Acquire a sonic screwdriver.
15. Acquire a Hadhafang replica, if I can find one at a reasonable price.
16. Start being consistent about intercessory prayer.
17. Grow closer to my family.  I feel like I am definitely making progress here.
18. [Possibly] investigate learning to play the violin.   I definitely want to make this happen someday, but I don’t think I could handle it right now.
19. Memorize my phone number.  Accomplished!  Sometime in February.
20. Start overcoming my phone fears.   
21. Figure out where I stand on dating, for me personally, at this point in my life.  Is this even a possibility?  I am open to this not happening like I was expecting it to possibly happen.  You would think being asked out would have fixed this, but no.  Though considering my most recent post…oi.
22. Learn how to ride a bike.
23. Acquire a bamboo plant.  Accomplished!  Christmas Day, 2010.
24. Come up with meaningful things to blog about.  Sort of Accomplished—Done, but the actual bloggage of most of those things has not happened.
25. Sleep.  Accomplished!  I can’t believe I’m actually getting more sleep, on the whole, as a college student than I did as a high school student.
26. Reread The Lord of the Rings in a month or less.
27. Reread The Silmarillion.
28. Have consistent pen pals (e.g., be consistent about writing letters back to anyone who writes letters to me.  and vice versa).
29. Draw (not just doodle) more than once a month. This may undergo revisions at a later date.
30.   Manage to read something (unabridged) by Charles Dickens.  Partially done:  I am on my way through Bleak House.
31. Finish Romeo and Juliet.  I am okay with this not happening.  I might do it, but I already know the story and I don’t really like it, so why bother?
32. Read Hamlet and Macbeth.  (Revision: “either/or”.  Likely won’t be both.)  Though I am taking a class on Shakespeare in the fall.  We’ll see how this fares against that.
33. Watch Disney’s Snow White.  Accomplished!  I don’t remember the precise date, but I wrote a Facebook status about it.  I think it was in March.
34. Get to know some of the people at C & C [Dwell].  Partially done!
35. Get in the habit of tithing (at least, once I have any income).  
36. Read The Phantom Tollbooth.
37. Do something genuinely crazy (but not utterly pointless, life-threatening, or illegal).  This may also undergo revision or omission at a later date, as it is rather vague.
38. Take my driver’s test, pass it, and get my license.
39. Buy shoes that fit.
40. Be bold.  Partially done.
41. Buy new flavors of tea.  Accomplished!  Blueberry (yum), wild cherry (horrendous), mint verbena (haven’t tried it yet).
42. Name my laptop.  Accomplished!  My MacBook is now Asfaloth, and my hard drive is Glorfindel.  (Bonus awesome points to you if you get that without Googling.)
43. Name the dancing monkey on my laptop.
44. Name my teapot.  Accomplished!  Well, my sister named it for me:  Clive Staples.  
45. Acquire some pragmatism to balance out my excessive idealism.  Far too vague.  Also, I am second-guessing whether I really want to do this, and whether I can without becoming outright cynical.
46. Practice writing concisely so I can do so when necessary.  Accomplished!  (But not “done”.)  
47. Overcome my fear of overhead showers.  Who cares?  It occurs to me now that I was okay when I had to use one in El Salvador for two weeks.
48. Get my Technician and Demolitionist awards on Star Wars Battlefront II.  Accomplished!  In mid-January and early March, respectively.  Yay nerdiness!
49. Write out a thorough and/intelligent explanation of why I dislike Twilight.  This is a dead horse; I’ll stop beating it.
50. Consider what I might do after graduating KVCC.  Accomplished!  But not done.  There will be much more consideration and prayer on this topic over the next year and a half!
51. Fast something (besides books and food) for a month.
52. See Glowfriends in concert, if possible.  Accomplished!  May 26th, with Hannah, and it was fantastic.
53. Attend at least one epically awesome rock concert with friends.
54. Get drunk in the Holy Spirit more than once.  Accomplished!  But also not done.  :)
55. Learn six new long words and use them in everyday conversation.  Partially done!
56. Brush up on my French.  This may be accomplished or deleted in the very near future, depending on whether I try to test out of it so I can take more math courses…ugh.  
57. Develop an appreciation for a genre of music I currently dislike.  Partially done.
58. Organize my room and keep it at least relatively clean.
59. Write about the random stuff I research on a whim.  Partially done—handy topics for school projects, these turn out to be.
60. Read The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien.  Accomplished!  Not the whole book, but I’ve browsed it quite a bit and might buy a copy.
61. Develop an appreciation for more spicy food.  Partially done.  Banana peppers, mmm.  Also, Asian pork with bamboo.
62. Do laundry more regularly.  (Revision:  this means I need less clothing.)
63. Finish reading A Room With a View.  Accomplished! Some Sunday in late March.
64. Spread the word “über” beyond my church family.
65. Acquire at least three more awesome hats.  Accomplished!  Christmas Day 2010, March 8^th/May 27^th 2011.  I have a shocking nine more hats in my retinue.
66. Write letters to at least eight people telling them what I appreciate about them.  (Revision:  five people.)
67. Refine my Jamaican accent.  Accomplished!  I don’t know if it actually is, but this is fairly difficult to qualify.  Nobody tells me it sounds Italian anymore, at least.
68. Speak in a foreign accent for one full day every month.  (Revision:  I didn’t do it for the first five months, so I’ve technically failed.  I would still like to do it at least once.)
69. Help spread accomplishment in the important life skill of giving Good Hugs.  Most people seem to be fine with hugs as are.  I suppose this one was a bit presumptuous.
70. Find someone with whom to have deep and pointless theoretical conversations.
71. Acquire at least two sundresses.  Partially done—I purchased one at Goodwill a couple of weeks hence.
72. Create and DM (run) one Dungeons & Dragons campaign. (Revision:  “campaign or adventure”.)
73. Learn to juggle.

Additions as of January 1st:

       74   a.  Get down to business to defeat the Huns.

               b.  Possibly with a wonderfully choreographed musical number.

     I have no idea how to go about doing this, but it sounds like an awful lot of fun.

New addition[s]:

       75.  Acquire a legal source of income.  (To random readers who don’t know me—this would be a change from no source of income at all, not a change from a illegal source of income, ha.)

       76. Take the initiative to stay in touch with/do fun stuff with awesome people over the summer and beyond.  

       77. Complete NaNoWriMo. 

       78. Do a smashing job as Mr. Keller’s ENG 110 TA in the fall. 

The blowing of my mind.

So, earlier tonight I determined to spend some face time with God before bed (something I've been neglecting lately):  a little worship and prayer and Bible reading.  Historically I've been really bad at sticking to a reading plan, so I was mainly flipping idly around in the Old Testament.  I have no idea why I landed in the middle of Joshua 22, but I started reading from the middle of the chapter and almost immediately saw this verse:

"If the land you possess is defiled, come over to the LORD's land, where the LORD's tabernacle stands, and share the land with us."  (Joshua 22:19) 

Even without the context (Most of the tribes of Israel are speaking to a couple fo the other tribes, who were allotted land on the other side of the Jordan River outside Canaan and built an altar where they weren't supposed to), this verse really struck me.  This very thing that the people of Israel are doing is what we as believers and Christ-followers are supposed to do.  We're supposed to call people out of the "defiled land" where they live, and invite them to share int he Kingdom of God and His glory and His presence.  SO CRAZY.  As in, so incredible, and fantastic, and a bit frightening (I mean, shoot, that's a pretty prestigious responsibility).  We're supposed to tell people how good we've got it as citizens of the Kingdom, and invite them to share in that.  It makes me want to pray my face off.

This was encouraging to me for the reason that, basically, I generally don't care a whole lot for Bible reading.  I don't hate it, but it's awfully rare for me to get excited about it, either.  I've read everything in the Bible before, some of it dozens and dozens of times.  And it's hard not to go into it with that mindset.  I so often can read it and praise God for who He is, but I virtually never feel like I get anything new out of it or feel like I've learned something.  I don't have fresh eyes for the Bible.  This encounter was interesting because, for one, I honestly don't really recall this story, so it was sort of new in that way, but mainly because if I had read that chapter straight through and read that verse in all its context, I would probably never have taken particular note of it.  I would never have taken ten minutes to be totally floored by God and what it means to be a Christian.  I feel like God was sort of saying, "Even though your heart is only half in this, since you're deliberately seeking Me and even sacrificing some sleep to do it, I am going to give you a totally new experience and have fun watching you have fun getting your mind blown."

God is so good, and holy, and brain-boggling.

And that's one verse out of context!  How much more could you find in this whole passage by reading it normally? My mind's now doubly blown, because even though i've been told countless times that God;s word is multilayered, I never really give that much thought or ask or seek to experience that.  i wish I always felt as excited and curious about the Bible as I do now.  (Don't think I haven't prayed about that.)  It would be so much harder to get disillusioned so quickly.  The Bible is amazing—why don't I experience it like it is more often?

a stuff sack of my life in recent weeks.

In keeping with the title, this will be a rather random jumble of things all tossed together into one paragraph—I hope I don't hate myself for this later.  I've been catching up on some reading and writing and Doctor Who the last few weeks, since getting out of winter classes.  It's fantastic.  I've been going to the library an average of twice a week.  The only thing is that I have gotten far too used to writing papers and now have to check myself every time I write because otherwise I will not put contractions in anything.  I also dinked around with Wordpress.com, and I vow to never complain about Blogger's stupid html code again.  Wordpress literally reduced me to tears.  In all fairness, it was two in the morning and I was already feeling a bit emotional, but still.  It's absurd.  Right now I'm taking Interpersonal Communications.  We just had to turn in an assignment where we had to go talk to a random stranger as if we knew them, and write a paper on it.  I struck up a very affable conversation with the gruff bus driver about books and The Lord of the Rings and the pros and cons of making movies out of famous fiction (turns out he's a lot less purist than I, which probably makes for a more enjoyable moviewatching experience).  It was pretty neat, but it took me days to psych myself up for it.  I saw HPA's Annie Get Your Gun last weekend, which was fantastic, as HPA plays are by definition.  I saw the new Jane Eyre movie last night, with Mom and Rachel and the Demskes.  It was quite good.  There was some really neat cinematography, and the music was composed by the same guy who did the Pride & Prejudice soundtrack.  There were also lots of famous BBC actors, which is always a ball. The oddest thing was seeing Judi Dench play a nice, motherly, lower-class character, haha. I also took Rachel to Goodwill and Barnes & Noble, although since we spent all our money at Goodwill we could only "window-shop" for books. it was pretty fun, and I feel like I barely see Rachel any more, so it was fun just hanging out for a few hours.  I finally spent some of my Amazon gift cards from Christmas and my birthday *shakes head and rolls eyes*.  I ordered a copy of The Passion of the Christ soundtrack (ah-MA-zing) and a copy of The Legend of Sigurd and Gúdrun, by Tolkien.  (Yay!)  Shipping costs are murder—I managed to get both the CD and the book for $2.84, and they charge me a whopping $7 in shipping.  It completely deflates the balloon of awesomeness that swelled in me when I got such a nice deal on the actual items.  Ha.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. " – James 1:5