Ode To a Hare

(and, by its existence, an ode to my childhood companion, Brian Jacques’ Redwall series.)

 originally composed July 12, 2007.

Oh, a perilous beast’s the hare, they say;

Not many can match one in a fight any day.

But the one single time when the scrappin’s called off

Is when a hare sees the board laid out with scoff!

There’s none as can match a hare’s lust for food,

Repast a hare once; forever keep his gratitude!

Many have tried, but their efforts proved vain;

None can outscoff a hare when the feast comes again!

A bloomin’ hare could live through a ten-season march,

But a single missed meal’d leave him right parched!

Many a leveret’s been scolded “Grubswiper!”

But lackaday, sah, food’s what keeps ‘em all hyper!

Aye, quick to go adventurin’ is every young hare,

But what brings ‘em back home is the smell o’ the fare!

If y’think to win a victualin’ race with a hare—tchah!

Then y’ll be sadly mistaken:  lackaday wot, sah!

Aye, there be few beasts that can match a hare’s paw,

But to match a hare’s stomach is a feat beyond all!

‘Ey, the meals o’ the day:  two breakfasts plus lunch,

And of course a great feastin’ dinner to munch,

With many a score of snacks in between—

A malnourished hare is infrequently seen!

Pasties, pies, flans, custards, and tarts,

Go down to a hare’s bottomless parts.

There’s many a beast that’d die, if they may,

Rather than feed a blinkin’ hare for a day!

When a bally hare starts a-feasting, sirrah, wot wot,

His jaw may run faster than his flippin’ scut!

When a hare grabs his tucker, he’ll really get going,

And never will October Ale cease flowing.

     Oh, the hare, a perilous beast he may be:

     At his face I’d swoon as an enemy,

     But I’d faint quicker when I see a hare

     Catchin’ sight o’ my luncheon fare!

Many beasts love their books, their swords or their brood,

But a hare’s ardor is reserved for his food!

Aye, a hare’s a hare—while beakers plenty of mint tea he’ll quaff

You can bet his mind’s on his blinkin’ flippin’ bloomin’, bally good scoff!

(Apologies for the odd combination of rhyme and inconsistent meter.)