I hate it when you grow up and you start realizing that everything doesn't come in black and white. Morals, people, opinions, relationships, politics...everything deals in ambiguity. Maybe that's one reason I hate drama (as in, melodrama)—why I like "sword-and-sorcery" fantasy books where there's a valiant hero and a dastardly villain and you always know who's going to come out on top, and what's right and what's wrong. Maybe that's why so many people write those books. Because, no matter how much we wish it did, life doesn't operate like that. Things I thought were secure might not be. People I thought I understood metaphorically up-and-move to another planet. People have stories buried in dark alleys in another world. Except—none of this is as dramatic as that made it sound. Nothing is really fantastically drastic.
I'm just finding out that the world isn't as idealistic as I am. I'm feeling hopelessly, incurably naïve. And it's bundling more confusion onto me than I think is my fair share, what with being a brand-new adult and trying to get the rest of my life sorted out and all. Can't I just live it moment by moment, and let it all work out for itself? But, see, that's not black-and-white, either. Apparently you need forethought, vision, necessities like that. Since when have those been my forte? Since when was I a good candidate to sort out my own life? Who thought it would be a good idea to drag me out from the cupboard under the stairs? (Yes, book reference, sorry.) People don't work like I spent eighteen years thinking they did. And that sort of explains a lot, like why I spend so much time wanting to beat people I've never met over the head with something large and heavy and perfect for knocking sense into human brains. I'm starting to understand why I don't understand so many things about why the world is the way it is, even if that's all I'm understanding. I really miss being naïve without understanding what naïveté was. But I can't afford to live like that, can I? Ostensibly...no. I cannot.
Good golly, I'm a moody lil' woman.
Isn't it funny how much we try to organize life to no avail? We structure it just so, but these structures don't work for everybody. We try to come up with a format (elementary -> high school, sports, prom -> college, internship -> career -> marriage, house, children), but no matter what format we use, there is always questions with no good answers, problems without solutions, and people who don't fit in.
ReplyDeleteI don't think common connotations of the word 'melodrama' directly relate to its definition. Even fantasy appeals to one's emotions in a certain way. I dare not say much more on that subject or I might end up writing pages, but I do understand what you mean.
Those stories that paint actual issues in a realistic light where there are no obvious right answers. Those stories that put us in the situation of questioning what me might do given certain circumstances. And it's unsettling for us to not know the right thing to do.
It's much more comforting to stick to the territory we do know, the things that are obvious to us and the things we can define ourselves by. A place to retreat to from the trials and sufferings of the world.
I think both aspects are important, though. I know that I've been able to understand compassion, mercy, and grace much better by being subjected to stories of people stuck in tight spots dealing with moral ambiguity and hardships. But at the same time, it's also nice to take a break from such heavy materials and just retreat into the realm of more familiar concepts.